My Three F's

The purple stars are still hanging in Mary’s room.  Mary’s bulletin board, pictures and decorations still hang on the wall in Mary’s room. A white dresser with six drawers and mirror, DVD player and television stand and all of Mary's DVD collection are still in Mary’s bedroom. On Mary's dresser are picture of herself hugging Eeyore at Disneyland, three little Eeyore figures, along with family photos and M&M figures.  The hospital bed is gone along with all the hospital equipment.  No matter how we arrange things in Mary’s bedroom it will always seem empty. 

Even if we removed every single piece of memorandum of Mary from her bedroom, it will always be Mary’s bedroom. 

Sometime, I just sit quietly in Mary’s bedroom; I close my eyes and recall the good times we shared together. 

Before I start my morning prayers, I always invite my sister Mary Magdalene to pray with me.  During my reflection and meditation time of prayer I talk with Mary.   I may not get an answer from her but I know she is listening to me and that gives me peace. 

Don’t get me wrong, there are still times the title wave of grief comes and knock me down with no warning or mercy.  At times like these, the loss of Mary seems like only yesterday.

I never thought I would ever feel any kind of peace after losing my sister.  I guess time does eventually start to heal the wound of loss but is sure leaves a deep tender scare.  I feel that my wound is just starting the process of healing but like a deep cut; it’s going to take some time to get better.  My tunnel has been so dark since my Mamas has been gone even though I know she is in a better place.   It give me a calmness of repose to know that God has been constantly showering my family and I with His graces and through it all I believe these are the graces come to us, I call them my three “F’s”.   With the help of my three “F’s” I have now actually started to see a very small dim light at the end of my tunnel where I felt that there was no light at all. I truly believe that my three "Fs” have helped me up and kept me going forward.

Through the love and support of my Faith, Family and Friends, I have been slowly healing from my losing my sister.

I just want to say thank you to all my Family, Friends and my Faith in God for walking with my parents and I.

To my Faith, I just want to thank God for the thousands of hours in prayer I have spent crying while my sister was suffering, for the times I felt over helmed and thought I couldn't go on one more day, for the times I felt the helplessness and fear of not being able to ease my sister’s pain.  When Mary finally left us, only God's grace was able to fill the huge void in my heart.

Only time is going to heal my wound but I know God is with me every step of the way.

To my Family, I just want to thank your for the unconditional love we have received from everyone that has been such a solid beam of support.  Through tragedy comes blessings and we are grateful for the phone calls, prayers and visits that come to us help us heal.

To my Friends, I am so thankful for the many, many endless hours I have spent on the phone with you.   For waking you up at the late evenings and early mornings as I was going through my process of grief.  As I cried, laughed and at times rambled on, you have given me your love, patience,support, prayers and your  presences on the phone and just being there for my family and I.

 I know our lives will never be the same but we do know we a better person because of Mary Magdalene Rodriguez.  I know Mary’s intervention is continuously looking after my three “F’s” and for that I just want to say, “Thanks Mamas, we love you and miss you too.”