Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Father's Day 2011

Father's Day 2011 for my dad was bitter sweet, bitter because his daughter Mary Magdalene was not here to share it with him along with my other brothers and sisters.  Sweet, because my parent's home was filled with love from all their children and grandchildren who came or called to wish my dad a Happy Father's Day.  He got cards, electronic picture frame and gift certificates as gifts to celebrate the occasion.
 My dad rarely talks about his feeling about Mary Magdalene's passing and if anyone would ask how he fells about Mary Magdalene not being here,
"Mary is gone, she is with Our Father in heaven," is the usual answer he would reply .  However, I know it's much more than a one liner that shields him from actually feeling pain and loss.  All of Mary Magdalene's clothes have been given to charities along with most of her medical equipment. Two plastic containers in the garage are filled with Mary Magdalene's keep sakes.   We have one Eeyore coffee cup and glass that we keep in the kitchen  cabinet belonged to Mary Magdalene.  One morning I made coffee and served my dad his traditional cup of coffee using one of  the cups that belonged to my sister.  At first my dad didn't  notice what cup he was using until he finished his coffee.  Once he realized it then came an explosion of emotions,
"What the hell is wrong with you!  This was Mary's cup, Mary's!  I could have dropped it and it could have broken!  Don't you ever give me this cup again because I don't want to be the one that might break it!"
"But you didn't Dad, it's still in one piece. I knew it was Mary's cup and that is why I gave it to you, to keep Mary alive in our memories of her and to not keep her things just locked away," I replied.
"No!  It's Mary's cup! I lost my Mary!   I never ever want to use this cup again, do you understand me?!" as he walked into the kitchen held Mary's cup  with such care and  proceeded to wash Mary's cup, dried it  with a dish towel and  slowly placed it back into the cabinet.
"Okay Dad, but I know Mary wouldn't want us to keep her memory in a cabinet," I said as I watched my dad closing the door of the kitchen cabinet.
He turn to me and said,'Every day I think of my Mary, every day my heart aches so much!  I thought when I lost my mom I experienced grief and sadness  but that was nothing compared to losing my Mary.  I hope none of my children who have kids never feel the pain of losing their child, it doesn't matter if they a small or adults, the pain is just too much,"
I walked up to my dad and gave him a gentle hug and kissed his cheek then said, "I'm sorry  Dad, I didn't mean to get you upset, maybe with time the pain will lessen but we both know it will never completely go away,"
He looked at me and with tears ready to fall he said, "No, the pain will never be gone, it will never go away but I know one day I will see my Mary again and I am looking forward to that day,"
So remembering this year's Father's Day holiday I think of an old cliche to be true,  "Every day is Father's Day".  It is all year round ,rain or shine, in good time and in bad and even in death.   Just because my sister has gone to heaven, her memory will always be in my dad's heart.
I love you Dad and I know Mary Magdalene is with us every single day, regardless if it is a holiday or not.