Even though Mary was losing her mobility to move, her willingness to help never stopped. When she had to go from using a commode to adult diapers, she would help me in any way imaginable just to try to make my job easier. When I would dress her, she would lift her leg, arm or head so I can dress her with more ease. Giving Mary her daily injection of steroids, she would never complain of any pain but with the size of the needle, I know it had to hurt. When she couldn’t feed herself anymore that was very hard for her but she tried her best to make it effortless when it came time for either my mom or I to feed her. As time passed the needs of my sister grew. As I would be tending to my sister, she would say, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry you have to work so hard; I don’t want to be a burden,” and started to cry. I would stop what ever I would be doing in helping her with and held her in my arms, then said,” Burden? Sorry? What are you sorry for? What did you do wrong that you are apologizing? You’re a burden? Oh no Mamas! You haven’t done anything wrong; do you hear me? You have never been nor will ever be a burden! Mom, dad and I are taking care of you because we love you. We are here for you Mamas and don’t you ever forget it! Do you hear me? We love you very much!” Tears would be streaming down my sister’s face as she softly replied, “Yes.”
Tuesdays and Thursdays were the day that the hospice nurse would come and assist me in giving Mary a bed bath.
As time pass with my sister’s illness, a regular shower or bath became too difficult since Mary had no control with her motor skills due to the progression of MS.
I remember on October 28, 2010 the nurse came at her usual time in the morning. I knew my sister was not doing well all week because she had been battling a constant fever and the feedings had to stop due to the nurses not hearing any activity or sounds in her stomach or her intestinal tract.
So it has been seventeen days since my sister had anything to eat. As the nurse came into our home I pulled her aside and said,” I’m not sure if Mary will be able to have a bath today, she looks so weak and tired. What do you think?” As the nurse popped her head in Mary’s bedroom then said” Good morning Mary, how are you dong Mama?” Mary gave no response. The nurse walked with me out of Mary’s bedroom and said, “No. No bath today but let’s change her pajamas and bedding so at least she will be in a fresh bed and pajamas.” “Okay,” I replied. My stomach was already in a knot because I knew what her answer was going to be, I just needed to hear it from her.
As we walked into Mary’s room, I had everything ready for her bath so the clean bedding and pajamas were placed in Mary’s room the night before. We first changed her bedding and then started with her pajamas. As I took off Mary’s top and started to place it with a fresh top over her head, my sister did something that I will never forget. Mary started very slowly but steadily to move her left arm towards the direction of the opening of her pajama top. She was trying to help me with dressing her, she had such a an exhausted look on her face but kept focused in helping me.
I stopped for a second and looked at her in shock and amazement; tears started streaming from my eyes as I said,
“Oh Mamas, your still trying to help me? Your stilling trying me help me even now?” Mary looked at me and gave me a smile. I had to stop; I had to stop what I was doing because my emotions got the best of me. Everything became a watery blur as my tears were non-stop and streamed down like a heavy rain day. As I was crying, I continued to help my sister finished getting dressed. 'How amazing is Mary?! What kind of strength did my Mamas have?" I thought. At this time of her life, when I thought she was at one of her weakest moments, she was strong! Mary had a heart of strength, of giving that I could only stand back and admire her courage because it was never ending. Her fight with MS was going to end when she decided to stop and no one could take that away from her. So when I think I can no longer be strong or courageous , I just think of Mary and know that I can.
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