I'm okay Emils, I'm okay

"Jesus is peace, Jesus is love, Jesus is calling you home."  This is the prayer Mary Magdalene and I prayed on October 29, 2010 sometime between the hours of Midnight to 2:49 A.M.  At the final hour of my sister’s life here on earth, it got really scary.  Her fever was 103.7, her breathing was becoming very shallow and short, her skin was turning grey and she was so thin.  I took over watching my sister as my poor exhausted parents where torn between staying at their daughter’s side or try to get some kind of sleep.  Finally, after some reassurance, I encouraged them to get some sleep and if anything happened I would wake them up.  As they kissed her good night, my mom carefully picked up her hand and kissed it then said, “I love you so much Mija”.   My dad leaned over her bed and kissed her forehead then said, “Good night Baby; Daddy loves you.” and they both walked of their daughter’s bedroom.  Little did any of us know that it be the last time my parents would see their daughter alive. 

As I sat next to my sister’s hospital bed, I continuously kept applying cool compresses on her forehead, neck, chest and under both of her armpits.  The fever’s temperature never went away and I was getting very worried because usually with medication and cold compresses the fever would subside. 

I kept talking to my sister reassuring her that everything was going to be okay as I caressed her arm and changed her cool compresses.  "Should I or shouldn't I give her a suppository to help reduce her fever?" as I kept gently stroking her hair with hand.   I knew if I did move her, she would be in excruciating pain but maybe the medication just might help reduce her fever; I have never felt so helpless in my life. Seeing someone you love suffer and not being able to give any kind of relief from their suffering is just so torturous.   

I felt in my heart that this night was going to be the longest night of my life.  For the life of my I couldn't stabilize Mary and was going very wrong, very quickly.  I knew in my heart that Mary was losing her final battle with MS so I put a CD on and it played a song named ‘You Are Mine”.  This song always made my sister emotional because it reminder her about all the times she went with us to Sunday’s liturgy.  Then, I held her left hand, closed my eyes and said “Pray with me Mary, pray with me!”.

  I remembered the nurses telling us that the hearing was the last to go so keep talking to her.

“Jesus is peace, Jesus is love, Jesus is calling you home”, was the prayer we prayed that night.  As my eyes  stood closed and I  repeated this prayer and  encouraged Mary Magdalene to pray with me.  As I kept repeating the prayer, listening to the song that was being played on the CD player and holding my sister’s hand.  In my mind, I was pleading with God to kindly end my sister’s suffering by calling her back home to heaven.  I don’t remember how long I prayed that night but I do remember seeing an image of my sister face in my mind.  Her face was so beautiful, healthy and her dimples cratered in each side of her cheeks. 

Suddenly, I heard Mary say, "I’m okay Emils, I’m okay!”
    I jumped off the chair I was sitting on from shock because I haven't hear Mary's voice in weeks,  as I jumped I lost the grip of her hand.
      “What was that, who was that?” I said

 I opened my eyes and  slowly turned turned myself  to my sister's bed, there Mary laid completely still and lifeless.  I gently placed my hand on her chest, waiting to see if my hand would rise as my sister would inhale but she didn’t.  I kept looking at the clock, wondering when my sister would open her eyes, but she didn’t.  “Oh my God! Did Mary go home?  Oh my God, she did, Mary finally went  home. Thank you Jesus, thank you for ending my sister’s suffering, Thank you for giving her rest” as I raised my head and hands towards heaven.  

I sat back down and said, “My Mary is finally home thank you  Sweet Jesus.” 

It’s been so hard since she left on October 29, 2010 at 2:49 a.m. 

I stood with my sister body for a few minutes and slowly the grief started to creep up on me so I go up and walked to the kitchen to call my sister Irene in San Diego, it was about 3:00 A.M. in the morning when I called. As I dialed her number and I she answered I said,
"Hello? Irene?  It's me Emilia,"
"What's wrong Emilia?"
"Mary passed away, she passed away about 2:49 A.M. and I haven't told mom and dad yet, I haven't even called the hospice nurse.  I need you Irene, I need you to be here for mom, dad and me.  I don't know what is next but can you come over?"
"Of course I will, I will be there as soon as I can, I love Emilia and know Mary is no longer suffering but is at peace." said Irene.
"Yes, but please come! We need you," I pleaded as I hung up the phone and headed towards my parent's bedroom.
I knocked on the door and cautiously walking into their bedroom to find them both asleep.
"Mom, dad, wake up, I have something to tell you," I said as I stood at the foot of their bed,.
"What is it? What's wrong?" asked my mom,
"Mary passed away," I said as I started to feel a numbness completely over come me.
"Oh my God, my baby!!" whispered my mom.
"Irene, let's go say goodbye to our daughter," said dad as he help my mom out of bed and they both walked down the hallway to Mary's bedroom.
As we walked down the hallway, I knocked on my brother's Joseph bedroom to let him know that our sister passed away,
"Joseph, Mary passed away," I said
"Okay Em, I heard you tell mom and dad,"
As I walked away from Joseph's bedroom door, I could hear my mom sobbing coming from Mary's bedroom.  I walked back into the kitchen and called the hospice nurse and told them what had just happened,
"We are sorry for your loss Emilia, a nurse will be there to pronounce Mary's passing and call the mortuary for you, okay?" said the nurse on the phone.
"Okay, but can you please hurry?  It's hard enough as it is,"
"We will do our best and I know you will too," said the nurse as I hung up the phone and walked back into Mary's room.
I miss her so much but I know she is okay because she told me so.   It is such a relief to know that she is in heaven and she will still be in our hearts and mind until we meet again.
in the coming weeks I had no clue on what  be an experience of grief that we as a family would experience and will take a life tine to heal.