Difficult Times...

I had the worst nightmare last night that it shook me with such force of emotions that I woke up shaking and crying at the same time.

 In my dream, I was coming to the realization that my 34-year-old sister was dying.  As I stood in the middle of my bedroom, a rush came over me and I fell to my knees covered my ears, closed my eyes and kept yelling “NO! NO! NO!”   My sister couldn’t walk, talk, eat or drink even laugh and was slowly fading away. The independency that we all take for granite  been robbed from my sister.  I felt so frighten that my sister was going away. I would miss her smile, her sense of humor, the hugs she gave so freely, and most of all her strength and love.   My heart screamed inside my body and it made me so angry because I wasn’t ready to hear it or accept it.

 I started to cry out, “You’re lying! I don’t believe it!”  I got up ran down the hallway and to my sister’s bedroom.  Knowing that when I'd see my sister, everything would be all right.   She would be dressed and smiling as she sat up on the edge of her bed getting ready for the day.

However, when I opened the bedroom door her bed was empty so I ran to the living room.  My sister usually sat on a light blue lift chair and I knew she would probably be there watching television but  when I got to the chair was empty. 

I kept running and running all around the house looking for my sister, calling her name.  I yelled  so hard that I woke up from the dream. Wiping the tears from my eyes and face, I jumped out of bed and ran to my sister’s bedroom because it was such a horrible dream. I wanted to prove to myself that the dream was not real, I wanted to believe that it was just a ugly dream.   I opened the bed door to to sister's room to  find that this dream wasn't a dream but slowly becoming a reality.  My sister hasn't eaten in 14 days because her stomach can't process any food due to her fight with MS.  Her eyes are darken with a  sadness and her face and body become very thin due to the weight she has lost from not eating. Now, she can only communicate by blinking her eyes when you talk to her.  So I am awake, I'm not dreaming and the hurt  we are all experiencing is so real that it can't be put into words.  In the end, I know I need to accept  what is happening around us so one day my family and I can start to heal from this pain, the pain of losing someone you truly love.  

 Lord, PLEASE stay close to us, it's starting to get really scary.