A Simple Hug

Hugs are amazing, aren't they? I think a hug from someone who loves you is a hug from God.   Each hug I received is a gift from God because they always seem to come when I need them the most. When I'm tired, weak, frustrated, scared or even when I am joyful or happy. A hug reenergizes me, gives me hope, brings me to tears and opens an opportunity for a moment to stop what I'm doing and just pause.  

The ones I receive from my mom are priceless.  Her small arms shake and she barely has enough strength in them to pick them up and wrap around my waist. Every one I receive from her is kept in my heart.  At times I close my eyes and I could feel her arms around me with such love that my eyes fill with tears just thinking about it.  

My dad's hugs feel very gentle and never overwhelming. It is surprising at times because he does not like to show much of his vulnerability. My dad was always very solum and did not like to show any kind of emotions because he was very old school.  Being raised by a single mom had it's challenges and I feel made my dad hard as a rock when it came to showing emotions.  Some of the hugs I receive are so full of support and strength that I know they would catch me if and when I fall.  These are one of many gifts I have received in my life and I am humbled and grateful for them. 

The one hug I miss the most is from my sister who has MS.   I can remember the powerful hugs she used to give so freely.  She would hug you with such love, that at times it was even hard to take a breath because her hugs where so strong.

My sister Mary would tire easily due to the MS so she always went tot bed at eight o’clock every night.   With the assistances of her candy red walkers in front of her; wearing cozy flannel pajamas and her white robe with little blue flowers she would slowly make her way to the living room to give her good night hug to our dad.  

He would be sitting in his powder blue lift chairs watching television, when he would hear her say,

“ I’m tired, I’m going to bed.”

My dad would turn to see my sister walking towards him and say,

“Oh my Mary! You’re tired Mija? Then I guess its bedtime, good night my Mary. I hope you have a restful night,”  

“Good night dad, I hope so too”

As Mary would say goodnight to our dad she would carefully let go of her walker and reach her arms towards our dad for a goodnight hug and gently kiss his cheek.

"Don't hurt me Mary!”

“Aye Dad! I just want to hug you goodnight.”

As she reached to hug him, my dad would joke,

“I can’t breath Mary, you’re squeezing too tight!”

“Aye Dad,”

After her goodnight hug, Mary would then take hold of her walker and slowly make her way back to her bedroom for the night.

Now due to her battle with MS, Mary is bed ridden and no longer has any use of her arms, legs. She no longer can talk, walk but can still give an occasional smile. So when I give my sister a hug, I carefully lean my forehead against hers and I feel the emotions of a hug that we used to give each other.

 I often do think about how my sister must be feeling by not being able to give a hug back like she used to give and at times my heart is saddened.    I know one day I will be able to hug my sister and feel the familiar vice grip of passion and love that she gave so freely.   Until then, I will be patient and look forward to that day.