November 2nd is Mary Magdalene's birthday, she would have been thirty-five years old. She was born on the feast of All Souls Day, little did any of us know that her passing would only be five days before her birthday. My parents and family went to the liturgy of All souls Day at our Catholic Church in Monterey Park. Her name was on one of the banners in front of the alter,this banner had all the names of the parishioners who have passed away this year. As I sat on the pew stared at her name on the banner, it didn't seem real. People of our parish walked up to my family to give their condolences of the passing of my sister. We hugged them back and thanked them for their kind words and yet it still didn't feel real, it felt like I was in a dream, a very slow moving dream.
"I'm sorry to hear about your sister passing," "She was so young, I 'm so sorry about her passing."
"If there is anything I can do please let me know," was all my mom, dad and myself heard after the the All Souls Day liturgy from parishioners. The numbness of grief can grip you like a vice and you feel like so lost and disorientated yet the pain of grief brings you back to reality. This pain felt like a explosion that I have never felt before. I have experienced a passing of grandfather, grandmother, my parent's uncles and aunts but this was different. However, this pain of grief was much stronger and real because Mary was such a huge part of our lives. The reality of some one you love so much is no longer with you was inconceivable even though I knew Mary was gone. We knew she had MS but we thought she would still live a long and happy life. We were willing to care for her the best we knew hoe and have some kind of medication to help her fight her battle with MS. However, she decline in her health sooner then later and there was absolutely nothing that anyone can do to stop this from happening. I so wish that could wake up from this slow moving dream.
However, Mary is gone to heaven and is looking down at me saying "I'm okay Emils, I'm okay!" The slow moving dream is a cold fact of reality and trying to deal with it with just as much faith, grace and love isn't easy but we now Mary would want us to do. I love you so Mamas and my day does not pass when I am not think of you.
"I'm sorry to hear about your sister passing," "She was so young, I 'm so sorry about her passing."
"If there is anything I can do please let me know," was all my mom, dad and myself heard after the the All Souls Day liturgy from parishioners. The numbness of grief can grip you like a vice and you feel like so lost and disorientated yet the pain of grief brings you back to reality. This pain felt like a explosion that I have never felt before. I have experienced a passing of grandfather, grandmother, my parent's uncles and aunts but this was different. However, this pain of grief was much stronger and real because Mary was such a huge part of our lives. The reality of some one you love so much is no longer with you was inconceivable even though I knew Mary was gone. We knew she had MS but we thought she would still live a long and happy life. We were willing to care for her the best we knew hoe and have some kind of medication to help her fight her battle with MS. However, she decline in her health sooner then later and there was absolutely nothing that anyone can do to stop this from happening. I so wish that could wake up from this slow moving dream.
However, Mary is gone to heaven and is looking down at me saying "I'm okay Emils, I'm okay!" The slow moving dream is a cold fact of reality and trying to deal with it with just as much faith, grace and love isn't easy but we now Mary would want us to do. I love you so Mamas and my day does not pass when I am not think of you.
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