Bath Time

One of the many times I could remember hearing Mary Magdalene sing was in the shower and at church. I remember parishioners complementing my sister on her voice after the end of a Sunday liturgy.  They would say,
 “What a beautiful voice you have!”
 “Thank you.”  she replied as her deep pimples reflect her warm smile

When my sister would decide to take as shower she would gather all her belongs for it  and that seemed always such a choir.  She would be juggling, her clean cloths, all her country apple toiletries, a bath towel and her big grey boom box and a CD.  Once the bathroom door was shut , one would hear the shower  start running, then boom box  would be turned on and my sister’s voice were unstoppable.  She would sing to Janet Jackson, Bryan Adams, The Cars or any song that played on KEARTH 101 FM radio station.

My sister’s voice would carry so beautifully and she never missed a note or a beat of a song.  You knew when Mary Magdalene would finish her shower  because you were able to hear the squeaking of the pipes as she turned off the water but that did not deter her from singing.  The singing would continue until the bathroom door swung opened, then silence. The aroma of country apple scent that  filled the bathroom and the hallway  as she walked back to her bedroom with another bundle in her arms.       While she strolled down the small hallway, I would ask,
     "Did you enjoy your shower?”
     “Yep, I sure did!” she answered with a smile as she tilted her head up to look through her dripping wet hair  that almost entirely covering her big brown eyes.

Several things come to my mind when I reflect on this memory;  country apple was discontinued from the company of where my sister used to purchase her toiletries. My parents and I looked high and low to find the country apple scent my sister enjoyed but to no avail. She tried other but she really wasn’t too happy with them. I knew she was very disappointed because she stopped buying scented toiletries all together.

Mary Magdalene is not able to sing anymore to the radio because she lost the ability to speak due the the complications of MS.   I didn't want the pleasure of listening to music be taken away from Mary Magdalene as she bathed so I asked her if  her radio could be turned on as I gave her a bath, she smiled and blinked in agreement of hearing some tunes.  I figured this way she would  at least have something to listen to as I gave her a bath.   I have been giving my sister her bath three times a week for the last three years and I know my sister appreciates it but I realize that it’s not the same as giving one herself.  When I  gave Mary Magdalene a bath she would cry,  it made it so hard for me because hated to see my sister cry.  She was able to still speak at first and would always apologize for being such a burden.
     "I'm sorry you have to work to hard," she whispered
     "Don't apologize Mary, I know if you were able, you would do the same for me," I said
 As I wiped the tears from her face, I would jut smile and said to Mary Magdalene that bathing her was just another opportunity for me to show her how much I love her.  Three years later, after I would finish with her bed bath, I  would see a smile on her face.  The smile that would say,
     “I love you too,” 

My Cooking Buddy

I love to cook for my family; to me cooking is just another way to show my family how much I love them.  I could be cooking something for breakfast, lunch, dinner or even popcorn.  I think of the people I am preparing the food for and I put all my love and care into the meal.  I hope as I prepare the meals, my energy of love reflexes the quality of the food I prepare for them.  I am a big fan of Rachel Ray, PBS cooking shows and some of the Food Network cooking shows because it would teach me new dishes I can make for my family or improve old ones.  Since my mom, sister and dad are not too crazy about trying new foods, I try to introduce them little by little with each meal.

The biggest fan of my cooking would be my 34-year-old sister Mary Magdalene.   She always like to see what I did in the kitchen and how I would prepare the meals. My sister would just watch me cook while sitting in a chair at the dinning room table that was ad- jointed to the kitchen,. One late afternoon as I was getting ready to cook dinner, I would  be running around the kitchen mumbling to myself,
     "Okay, It's gonna be meatloaf, mashies, gravy, some veggies and biscuits."
You can hear the sounds of chopping, slicing, dicing, saluting, mixing and clanging the pots or pans I would use for dinner.   As I started feeling the beads of perspiration slowly run from my forehead into my eyes and feeling  the familiar stinging,  Mary Magdalene would just be sitting quietly and watch.

Once I actually noticed my sister was observing me and I asked her
    ” What are you dong?”  She smiled and said,
     ” Watching.” 
      "Watching who?" I asked,
      "You," she answered,
I stopped and said,
     “Aren’t you bored just looking at me cooking?  Wouldn’t you want to see something on T.V.?”
     “ No, I like to see what you are doing, I like to watch you cook,”
     “Really?” I responded
  With a smile on her face she answered,
     “Yes, really."

Mary Magdalene's  favorite dish I would make was pasta and garlic bread.   She LOVED pasta and garlic bread and I loved making it because I knew how much she enjoyed it.   
That was four years ago, when Mary Magdalene was strong enough to walk on her own, she was able to sit up on a chair with no assistance and enjoy a meal with the family when we all at together as a family.  Now, while I cook a meal for my family, the chair where my sister sat is empty.  Now, my sister couldn’t eat anything I’d make because the MS has gotten to a point where she can’t chew, swallow or process food in her stomach.   All of Mary's nutrition was being fed with a feeding tube and was no longer able to not only watch me cook but was not longer able to eat what I prepared.
I now prepare of my sister fresh watermelon juice and feed it to her with a small sponge.  She really loved the watermelon juice so much that it was hard for her to let go of the sponge when it was in her mouth.   I wondered if it was the MS that didn't allow her to release it or was it because this was the only way she would recall what it was to taste something she really enjoyed.  Regardless of the reason, I prepared the juice with as much love as cooking an entire meal. 

Even though my sister is still with us, I sure miss having her company while I cook.  I look over my shoulder while I am cooking to see if she is sitting in the chair hoping to see her but the chair is empty.

I know all the cooking shows have millions of fans because I am one of them.  However, the one fan I have will always have is my sister Mary Magdalene.   

Just Dance

My 34 year old sister loves Janet Jackson ever since she seen her in concert.  One day I was at the mall and I bought the first volume of Janet Jackson’s greatest hits.  I would listen to it and think of my sister, as I would drive around in my car. Un knows to me, I ended up really enjoying Janet Jackson’s music. One afternoon I was keeping my sister company, as she lay in her hospital bed at home in her bedroom listening to Janet Jackson's Love Will Never Do (Without You) was the next rack to play on her CD player.  I turned to my sister and said ”Girl I love this song, dance with me!”  I pumped up the volume, sat by her side as I took hold of her hand to swayed to the beat of the music.  As I sang along, closed my eyes, shaking my head, holding on to my sister’s hand; to my surprise I turned to see my sister turning her head to the beat of the music!  I was so filled with joy that my sister was actually dancing with me I shouted, “ You go girl!  Keep on dancing!”  My sister grinned with such a smile that I could feel a rush of emotions explode! As I closed my eyes, I could feel the exhilaration of love, joy and excitement that filled the room as Janet Jackson sang. My sister is dancing!  She’s dancing!  My 34-year-old sister who is in her last stages of her battle with MS was dancing!  What kind strength is my sister made of?  What courage! As we danced, I could see her as my hero, I just was following her example of love and strength.  No matter what she was experiencing in her life, she still took the time to stop and dance!

For those few minutes I felt that my sister wasn’t dying, she wasn’t suffering but was in the moment of feeling alive, feelings of joy and happiness from a simple gesture of a dance.

At the end of the song my sister was tired and wanted to rest.  I wrapped my arms around her, kissed her cheek and thanked her for dancing with me.  I asked her if she would be willing to dance with me another day, she smiled and said” Okay.”, then closed her eyes and fell asleep.  

Thank you my Love for giving me a dance to remember for the rest of my life!

Servant Song

Last night my 34-year-old sister was trying to get out of bed, she tried by slightly lifting her head off her pillow and slowly motioned her left slender pale arm off her bed.  She had such determination in her eyes that it ripped right through my heart as I sat right next to her bed. Stroking her hair I kept asking her “What’s going Kido?”  I knew that her attempts were in vain because of  her fight with MS is getting even more aggressive and is  starting to deteriorate her body.  Over and over again my sister tried and with every failed attempt, tears would roll down her cheeks as her lips trembled.  When she realized that she could not to get out of bed, her entire body started to shake as if she was having a spasm.  I jumped up and said” Calm down Kido, I’ m here with you and you aren’t alone.  Everything is going to be okay”.  I had to give my sister some medication to calm her down.  It felt like forever for the medication to kick in and I kept stroking her hair and wiping her tears away until she finally calmed down.
 She wanted so desperately to get out of bed that night.  My sister probably was willing to run so fast and not look back.  As I wiped the last tear of the night, I looked into her eyes and ask to her” You wanted to run, didn’t you?  Run and not look back. Right?”  She looks at me and whispered, “Yes.”   Then I said” But you can’t can you?”  Her lips trembled and meekly said “No.”  I said, “I know Mamas, I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now”.  And I took her hand and kissed it, then I made a promise to her.   ” I know we weren't  close growing up and didn’t  have too much in common.  But I love you Kido!  Let me be your legs and I will run for you, let me be your arms and I will carry you, let me be your hands and I will hold you.  Is that okay?"   I know now what my purpose in my life is and it is to be here, here for you.  To be here for mom and here for dad.   God knew what was going to happen to us so He put me here just for this purpose because God knows how much I love you.”  My sister and I cried together as I held her hand.   At the end of the evening my sister and I prayed the Guardian Angel prayer, I kissed her on her forehead, secured her blankets and said "Good night Kido, see you tomorrow."

  

Human Volcano

A human volcano is such an eruption of emotions and thoughts that can be churning, stewing for days, weeks, months or even years and yet can be ignored until it actually erupts. The human volcano can involve family, friends even strangers. It can be created from past remorse, regrets, grudges or a feelings of helplessness when you are in the mist of seeing someone you love slip away.
 Once the human volcano  finally erupts, you can not avoid some kind of effect of it's power of emotions.  You feel such an over powering whelm of emotional reactions and feelings all at one time depending who is the actual volcano.  Shock, anger, weaknesses, frustration, and even some kind of denial  are spurted out  like red-hot steamy molting lava.  Then comes the raising of voices and frankness like the huge molten rocks flying right at you and  because we aren’t ready to deal with the matter at hand the defense shield starts to rise up  as the stewing of emotional lava spuds out of control. It feels like even though things can't get any worse, they do as the human volcano continues to erupt.  However, after all is said and done and the aftermath of the human volcano looses it's steam and heat, you look around to see what damage it may have caused and start the healing process. The key now is to restore peace and unity to all who was involved in the eruption.  It is through communication, love, patience, compassion by all who were in involved with the eruption. To look at ourselves and our faults so we can improve who we are and what we can be.   To take constructive criticism to  improve ourselves and see our own reflections of our life.  Sometimes, it takes a human volcano to shake us up and peel off all the armor we surround ourselves with to protect us from getting to the real issues at hand.  I am grateful for human volcanoes because at the end of it, we have an opportunity to share the love we have for one another and not take anyone or anything for granite.  We need to cherish our time together as a family and to grow with the love we can give and receive from one another.  

Penny will always be loved

On July 15, 2010 our seventeen year old beagle name Penny went down for the last count due to illness.   She wasour beloved family dog and taught me the true meaning companionship.  No matter what kind of day I was having, Penny would always greet me with a wag of her long slender tail and look up at me with her bright brown eyes.  When it came to yard work, Penny was my company while I trimmed  or pruned roses and palms leafs.  She would crawl right between my legs as I pulled weeds or rest in the shade if the sun got too hot for her liking as I worked in the yard. Penny would patiently wait for something to fall off the barbecue as I cooked some burgers, ribs, chicken or hot-dogs.  Penny loved playing with soup bones and would bury them in the yard along with  lost socks she would find next to the dryer. I knew Penny always had my back and gave such unconditional love to me and my family.

 One very early Sunday morning, I heard Penny howling  pretty aggressively outside my bedroom window.  The only time Penny would howl in this manner was because of a possum or squirrel running along the back fence.  She couldn't help her hound dog roots when it came to critters.   I got out of bed and opened my window and tried to look around to see what has happening.  Penny's howling just got louder and I felt  a sense of urgency in her tone.  "What going on Penny? Is it a possum?" I asked.    She just ran away from my window about step or two and kept howling. 

So I decide to investigate, I ran out to the backyard  in my pajamas hoping that what ever was out there, I would be able to scare away with the water hose.   Penny saw me from the sliding  door window of the deck and ran up to the deck stairs, howled and ran back to my sister. My sister had fallen face down in the back yard and no one but Penny knew what had happened.    I yelled for help as I ran out to help my sister, Penny sat right beside her and continued to howl.

 Shortly after, our dad came out to help me pick my sister off the grass.  My sister's face had a cut on the left side and was bleeding.  She was very frighten from the fall and didn't have the strength to get back up.  Penny ran circles around us as we carefully pick up my sister and placed her on a wheel chair.   As we bought my sister back into the house, Penny followed suite as a concerned family member. 

My sister started falling at home more often as the MS became more aggressive.  Every other Sunday morning, my sister get up early in the morning just to  unlock the side gate so the gardener would come to do the usual cutting of the lawn and blowing off the dust from the back patio.   My sister would place a leash on Penny because Penny had the tendency to wonder off.  However, this time my sister took a fall and couldn't place Penny on her leash.  If it wasn't for Penny coming to my sister's rescue, my sister could have been in serious trouble from the fall since she had fallen face down.  
When my dad feel off the ladder and broke both of his ankles, Penny ran up to him and try to comfort him by licking his face.  She sat right beside by dad until the paramedics  took him to the hospital.  One time, when my mom came from the hospital after an operation and needed to stay in her bedroom to recuperate.  Penny laid at the her bedroom door way and did not budge. Penny would follow my mom when she got out of bed to the restroom and wait for her to come out.  Then, follow my mom back to her bedroom and stated at the door way.   If my mom had trouble getting off of a chair, Penny would start to howl for help.  My mom said" It's okay Penny, thank you".  I would come to see why Penny was howling and found my mom stuck in her chair trying to stand up.

There are many warm heartfelt memories we have of our Penny.   My heart still aches for her and we sure miss having her around.  We know she is in a special place that God as made just for her because God know how much she meant to us.  We miss you Penny (my Pooh)!

Lost Treasure

Isn't it odd how something can be at one time so trivial and yet later on in life can have such a significant meaning.  The other day, I was recently rummaging through my closet shelf on a step ladder looking for a particular book.   As I was looking for this book and moving things around, I accidently knocked over my small  red sequenced  doubled heart shape box and everything spilled out with a crash on my mahogany  floor. 
 "Oh great!" I thought and I  stepped down to look around and see what I had in it.
I picked up the box off the hard mahogany wood floor hoping what ever fell out didn't break; yet to find that there were three bracelets that my sister had made me years ago.  My sister who suffers from MS used make plastic bracelets and sell them at a craft fair in Arcadia.  I slowly kneeled down and carefully picked them up. Clutching the bracelets in my hands, I closed my eyes for a moment.   In my mind I could see and hear my mom and sister stringing beads, making up designs and talking about pricing bracelets for the next craft fair. I could see my sister looking at a craft store advertisement to see if any beads where going to be on sale. When I opened my eyes, I was standing alone in my room, I still had the bracelets in  clutched tightly in my hands and then placed them to my heart.  I didn't realized how much I missed seeing my mom and sister working together and creating these bracelets.   My lost treasures were found! I thought I lost them when we moved to our new home several years ago. I didn't realize how much I missed them until now. At one time in my life when it came to bracelets, I just  wore crystal because I liked seeing the prisms reflex in the sunlight. Those same crystal bracelets now hang in the middle of my bedroom window so as the sun sets my bedroom is filled with prisms.
 When my sister gave me the bracelets, I was happy that she thought of me but didn't really give the bracelets any mind.  I took for granite that my sister and mom would always be around to make them.  
However now, I would give anything to see them in the dining room making bracelets again.  To hear and see them laughing, talking and even arguing as they were preparing for the next craft fair.     How can a simple beaded bracelets bring back such a rush of emotions and memories?  I guess it's not the actual bracelet but the love you feel for the people who make them.